Saturday, December 4, 2010

And so the morning goes...... Or

Just after day break. In the quiet stillness of early morning.
Suddenly the quiet is shattered.

I bolt from a sound sleep, to find myself sitting upright fully awake, alert, and waiting.

I look around the room in it's dim light, I see the animals with stunned looks. They had just moments ago been sound asleep as well. Now they, My Blind cat Iddy, my son's dog Bdude, my husbands neurotic cat Neko, (They each all stories in themselves),
stood alert and poised to run.
We sat on edge, Waiting , listening,
for the next thump, bump, and roll of what surely had to have been an earthquake. We all sat, not breathing, waiting for the next assault that would have us instantly on the run to safety.

Then out of the black stillness, it came!! ... A shrill, way to loud for where the sound should have come from.
The scared, questioning, urgent, calling. Right outside my bedroom door. The glass door that opens up to the deck in the backyard., The shrill cry of a weanling's whinny!

...Really??.. peryy#%$#$%&&^%$R#eirwyeyrwokd$%^&%^*$^%& !!!!!

I get up, look outside, and standing right on the other side of the glass,
in a stance that always reminds me of a scared Bambi on the ice,... I find my oldest.
The largest, smartest, most troublesome of this years foals.

"Hopper" Who we also lovingly refer to as "For Sale"
I look off to the side and sure enough, I see his two trusty side kicks standing just off to the side of the deck, with a look of not being to sure they want any part of this trouble on their faces.

Oh Geesh!!! I walk out of the room and put on my boots, husbands hooded Carthart jacket.. (honey, .. you forgot your jacket! :)
Now all suited up. Sweats and Boots, being the vision of fashion that I must be, I prepare to head outside to put the happy wanderers back where they belong.

I go through the kitchen and cautiously open the glass door, talking to the foal on the Deck so I don't scare him into jumping through the other glass door he is standing next too! I manage to get out without spooking him. (Thank goodness my foals are conditioned to all kinds of things since being born and little spooks them, but ..there is always a chance..Anyway..)
I step onto the deck, it's slick and slippery from the freezing rain during the night. I leave him be and step off towards the other two standing there, wondering what to do.. I leave them also, walking right past them I head off towards the barn, talking and calling to them. "Come on kids, come on,.. Let's go, come on"... Kind of like human 2 year olds or toddlers. If you stand there and try to coax them, they will most of the time just stand there and look at you. I figured this was the "safest" way to get them to move. Thank goodness it worked. Within moments they were trotting up behind me. All of us on our way back to the barn that for some reason they couldn't find on there own? I know an open gate, that greener grass, the unknown , the adventure of what's out there is just to much for a baby horse to resist. !! That an outing, any outing that is without "chaperons" even when it goes wrong, is far more exciting then the barn.

And in those early hours, happy it wasn't an earthquake outside in the damp and cold in sweats and boots, I am ever so thankful that my husband, and Brian my Son-in-law this past summer dug the post holes, and finally got the gate to the front of the property up!
As this morning there was plenty of evidence that these renegades had explored that avenue sometime prior, to scaring the heck out of everyone ususpecting and asleep inside
that other building they can see from the pasture but had never been near before... So now, they are now back home inside the barn, munching happily on grass hay as though nothing out of the ordinary had gone on at all.
And so the morning goes... :)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Winter.. Quiet Reflections, Holidays, Old and New.. Tears to go on

I should have been writing all along. I have wanted to. I have had the words, they form and I write and write. In my mind. In a state of half asleep, half awake.
It's like being in one of those old cartoons. At least it's the best way I can describe it. The "Next" Day. The day after I did not get up to write my thoughts down. The day that I would have, could I have remembered what it was that was formed so perfectly the night before, such a brilliant writer am I! In the middle of the night! During the night in that half sleep state, I have little angels on my shoulders. One little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other. They whisper in my ear. Get up , go write this down.. The other one says, no don't worry about it, you will remember. The other one says "you KNOW you will not remember, you never do"! Then again the other one speaks.. "THIS... Time is different, you WILL remember!! .. And guess who wins!! There will be, at least as long as I am getting plenty of sleep, no Nobel peace prize awarded to me for the brilliant written works I produce! :)
But that is ok... Speaking or rather "typing" of sleep. I think I will go try and get some now. As I have already forgotten all that I had intended to say at this moment. Seems the little Angels, have done it again! And this time, ... I am still fully awake!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

~ Christopher Hilts~ My Son , Forever Young

On June 2nd 2010
I received a phone call
With News, that no parent ever wants to hear.

That no parent ever should hear.

And in my prayers, are all of the parents of children
That are my family & all those that I call friend.
And even parents I do not know,
that they never will hear.

That your Child is no longer leaving footprints on this Earth.
My 25 year old son Christopher, was killed in a fluke motorcycle accident
in the San Fernando Valley while on his way home, followed by a group of his friends.
My prayers are also with those kids. Young adults really, "kids" to me.
That, That vision they were wittiness to will some how come to be replaced by another image. A memory of a smile at a happy time.

Most of the time people do not know what to say when reading or hearing about a loss.
They find themselves filled with emotion,searching for the words. But none of the words that come to mind seem to be enough.
"I" "am" one of those people.

I can tell you, that from the other side of that spectrum, saying "Anything", "ANYTHING" said at all, gives more comfort then you could ever imagine.
Even with the most unimaginable type of loss,
the loss of a child.
Every word, means the world to a person who is going through a loss.
Any word.
What hurts is when nothing is said at all. As if all is forgotten.

There is a poem I had found on the internet while searching for a support group.
Searching for other parents that had lost a child.
It's words ring true.
More true then any other I have found.

If you mention my child's name
I may cry.
But if you don't mention it, will break my heart ~

author unknown

Thank you so much for visiting this page.
Christopher's Mom

Poem Used on Prayer Card at Christopher's Memorial Service.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
I am not there, I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn Rain

When you wake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave & weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
Do not stand at my grave & cry
I am not there. I did not die.

Jonathan Christopher Michael Hilts
Feb. 25, 1985 - June 2, 2010
Beloved Only Son of Jon & Jenine. "Little Brother" to Jaime.
Beloved by Family & Friends and His Love and Loved by Ashli.

This is the Eulogy that was read at his California Service.

Christopher's life began with a wish, a prayer, a hope, and his sister begging for a little
He was born on February 25th, 1985 to Jon and Jenine Hilts at Tarzana Hospital in Tarzana

Christopher's personality has always been the same. Bright, funny, cute and lovable. There was so
much to love about him. Christopher said the funnies things in the most innocent of ways, always
resulting in a laugh out of everyone. He was so very charming, witty, and extremely talented.
Christopher's humorous personality and drawing talents began to show at a very young age. At three
years old he discovered arrows! And then began drawing them everywhere they went. One day after an
especially art filled day at Sutters Mill he saw a "No left turn" sign, a sign with an arrow in a
circle and a slash through it. He said "LOOK MOM!!! NO ARROW'S ALLOWED!!" That was probably the
first innocent statement Christopher ever made that had everyone laughing, even years later.
Another time after seeing the hills covered in mustard flowers and asking what they were, he saw a
hill covered in white flowers and exclaimed with great enthusiasm "LOOK MOM!!!! MAYONNAISE!!" And
again we all laughed. He learned early that he could make people laugh, and that made him happy.
Chris also figured out young that he was good at taking things apart. He started with his sister's
stereo, then his moms, then the toaster, the lawn mower, cars, electronics, just about everything.
He was really trying to help "fix them". Only the good Lord really knows for sure just how many
things Chris dissected!
If only he would have known how to put them back together again :)
Christopher was good at so many things. He was always an active kid. He loved the beach, dirt
bikes, quads, animals and people.
Chris lived in Southern California until he was eight years old. Then moved to Northern California.
At age eleven Chris moved to South Dakota with his mother and sister. The years Chris spent in the
Dakota's were the most influential. Chris grew into the person we all know and love today. The
Musician, the comedian, the Artist, the Friend. The guy you could always count on for anything.
Some of Christopher's talents were learned in the peaceful solitude of South Dakota. He taught
himself to play the guitar, the bass, keyboard and drums. It did not matter what instrument it was,
the first time he picked it up, touched the key board, strings, the drumsticks, it was music. He
had perfect pitch and could play a song after listening. He wrote songs, poetry, and his drawings
were incredible! He also had incredible inner strength and determination.

When he wanted to start playing football, he went to the school for tryouts without knowing a soul.
He played football for his first year and then moved onto music. He loved animals, all kinds of
animals. It was not uncommon for him to find himself listening to his mother hollering, "Come get
these snakes, lizards, or what ever, "OUT" of where ever they ended up to be found by an
unsuspecting mom.

He also saved animals. Kittens, puppies, ground hogs. He was even responsible for having saved the
life of a Filly that had been in trouble during her birth. She is still alive and well today. Chris
had a pure heart and loved with passion. Passion showed in almost every aspect of his life. It
showed in his creative abilities, his beliefs, loves, tears, pouts, defiance, anger. Chris would
always take time, (Perhaps at a time later then some people would want) to consider his beliefs, or
actions. He was also a gentleman. He would hold the door open for anyone, he would give up his
seat for you to sit.

He knew what community was, and how one worked together and the importance of one. Chris was
passionate about life. He had a deep deep level of spiritual understanding and love for the land,
the sky, people, what was right, freedom and Justice.

Chris had the desire to succeed in life. In being a good son, brother Friend, and "Person".

He loved to cook, his first job that he took very seriously. He never missed a day, and went even
when he was sick. He saved his money, and bought his first car. He at that point did not
understand the importance of a "mechanical check", but.. he was determined to be "grown up". So he
could take care of the things he need to, and bought the car on his own. He took great care of it,
but it only lasted about 2 weeks.

Chris being who he was, turned a sad event into a positive one. The "Car", became the "Star" in a
teenage version of "Monster Trucks". The monster truck being a small 4 wheeler. With friends, and a
ramp, the job was done. The car smashed, and they had a great time doing it.

So began Christopher's adulthood. He traveled to California to go on backpacking trips in the
Sierra's with his father and relocated back to California when he turned 18. At that point, he had
one thing on his mind and that was finding a best friend. It wasn't long before he found Ashli and
they became inseparable! They shared good times and bad, but it was obvious that their love for
each other was special and destined to last a lifetime.

Chris worked as a union carpenter for a short time and then decided that music was his calling and
enrolled in the Los Angeles Recording School in Hollywood. He was on his way to a career in sound
engineering when his life was cut so terribly short.

Chris touched the lives of everyone he met and will surely be missed by all.


Christopher's first day at the Los Angels Recording School June 2, 2009.
He crossed over ~ June 2, 2010

There were over 200 people who came to the Service in California, to say "Good Bye" to Christopher.

They shared their experience's , thoughts, the fun they had had, special moments, stories, Love and

I So Love You Christopher. Forever and Always I will Love You, "Mom"

                         Memorial Video 
"Christopher's Life ~ Forever in our Hearts"

Christopher Hilts Online Memorial |

Photos of Christopher's | - the free online memorial website

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Another Day - Life through the LCD screen..

Well it's been a few days since my first post.
My Glorious attempt at becoming a blogger! One thing I need to get used to is this intermittent internet connection I have. If you have ever been the victim of a slow connection, then you know just how frustrating it can be. Add that to the "maybe it's working at all, or maybe not"!
Such is life. I figure it's some kind of lesson.
That there was a time not so long ago, that there was no such thing as the internet. A time that my world was 100% in "True Living Color". Non of it lived in a ... ? Or is that through? Well, on the other side of a screen.
It all seems kind of like the story "Alice in Wonderland". (This thought had nothing to do with the movie).(I just happen to have, and have ALWAYS had, bad timing! lol)
Anyway, A LOT of similarities if you look at it kind of side ways...
One can venture off into a whole new list of questions!
1) Does time travel really exists?
2) What was in cold medicine back then, when "Alice" was written?
3) And most importantly! "What"... "exactly" is really in cold medicine NOW! ?

Now that I have realized how far off topic & have recovered my thoughts!!
(That MUST have had something to do with medicine! (No other explanation, unless of course you "know" me, and know that cold medicine has absolutely nothing to do with it, lol)

"Cougar"... My kitty that I had to run off to the Vet with is doing fine.
He apparently had, had some kine of a disagreement with another cat. And , cats being cats, the disagreement escalated into a physical confrontation involving teeth.
With the other cat not having very good hygiene gave Cougar an infection! Turns out, had we waited until later in the day.. Cougar just might not be here with us now!
He was pretty sick!
I don't think there is a lesson in this for Cougar. Not one that he actually paid attention to a learned from!
But I learned something! That the Vet's office down the road is really pretty good and ... They don't cost an arm and a leg!
Or... Even a paw!

Until later.. Hope you have a wonderful day!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Life and Times at our "Zoo"

I should begin I suppose with a little bit about myself. My family, our life, and our "Zoo".
First, even before that, I should also let you know, "I" have never "blogged" before! Ever!
This template, and "medium" both, are completely *Greek* to me. I have absolutely, no clue as to what I am doing!
Hopefully it will turn out OK :)
Right now, I am off to the Vet! One of our Cats, has been stung? Bitten? By who knows what! But he is not happy or breathing 100% so................. such is life at the zoo.